Parent struggles

This post has been a long time coming. I've never really come out and talked about our struggles with Bennett, but I have made comments here and there about it. 

So, today I wear my heart on my sleeve as I talk about our second child, Bennett, and the struggles we face with him. Please be kind, as it is never easy for a parent to put themselves out there. 

I first noticed a decline in Bennett's behavior after his first birthday. And every year after that. I kept telling myself that it was just the toddler years and he would grow out of it. Our oldest child did, so why wouldn't Bennett. 

Bennett is five years old now and we continue to struggle with him. I worry because next year he will start kindergarten and I really don't want his behavior to affect his ability to learn and make friends. 

Our daily home life is a struggle. If you've ever met Bennett, I'm sure you have witnessed at least some of the chaos. Every single task, every single command is a struggle. I feel like I've lost my mind more times than I can count. I'm frustrated, sad, irritated, and blameful of myself and my parenting skills. I've said to myself so many times, "I teach parenting skills for my job, why can't I parent my own kid?!"  

Let me paint you a picture of a day in our lives. 

The kids start to wake up around 5-6am. About ten minutes after Bennett is awake, the first fight/brawl occurs between him and a sibling. I attempt to make breakfast and pack lunches for the day. (I send a GF lunch with Bennett to the babysitter) A few more arguments occur before breakfast is ready. Finally I call the kids to eat. Bennett is either the first or the last to the table. If he is last, he then throws a tantrum because someone is in the chair that he wanted. Once that is taken care of, I remind him 5-10 times that he needs to eat. He stabs my table with his fork and I repeatedly ask him to stop before I finally just take the fork away. He screams and cries.  Once he settles down I ask him if he wants to try again and he continues to eat. He is usually the last one still eating. 

It's now time to get dressed. I've laid all the children's clothing out and ask the boys to get dressed. After 10 minutes, everyone is dressed. Except Bennett. He is completely able to dress himself without assistance. If he wants to. I tell Bennett that I am leaving the house in 15 minutes and if he is not dressed, then he is going however he is. This also results in screaming and crying usually. Sometimes he says ok and gets a move on it. It's now time to leave the house and Bennett is dressed but without socks. I tell him he needs to get his socks and shoes on. He screams and cries that he doesn't know how to put his socks on. (He does!) Its now 7:15am and I am running around trying to make sure all backpacks are packed and lunches with the right kiddo. Get kids buckled in their car seats and all the diaper bags in the car. Mind you, I haven't eaten or gotten dressed yet. 

Once we return home in the afternoon, it's the same all over again. Dinner is the same, baths are a struggle, arguments/brawls with siblings, and he is usually the last one to sleep at night. 

Do I need to paint a picture of going out in public or an hour long mass?!? It's all the same.....a struggle. 

I've talked to his doc about it and we even had him evaluated by an OT, which was a joke. I've changed his diet to gluten free, attempted being really strict or more lenient. I feel like we've tried it all. I've cried so many times out of frustration. I know people stare at us when we are out in public and think "why can't they control their kid?!" Don't you think I've asked myself a million times that same question?! But Bennett isn't that simple, he isn't a typical kid. Because if he was, we wouldn't be struggling. 

He has some really great qualities. He is so determined, outgoing, loving, and wants to try everything. I just need to figure out how to channel that into positive things instead of the negative. 

I started reading this book and so far I love it! It really hits home. I love that it is Christian based and focuses on taking the will without breaking the spirit of a child. It has been the only thing I have tried where I saw results immediately. We still struggle, but I am so much more hopeful that we can get to where we want to be. I am happier and less stressed, which means Bennett is happier. 

I know there are lots of parents out there that really love their kids. But sometimes really struggle with how to parent that child the best. Please don't be judgemental of parents when you see them out in public. You have no idea what their background is. They know you're staring and making comments under your breath. They can feel it. They probably just want to grab some milk and bread and be on their way. And thank you to all those people who feel the need to tell me that I have my hands full. I wasn't quite aware.